Failure: Your Oscar Twitter Blog

I tried an Oscars live blog, with only Twitter posts.  It was a bad idea – one I don’t plan on doing again.  Here is what I have before ditching it an hour and ten minutes in.

Welcome to your 2009 Academy Awards Live blog, Twitterstyle.  We’re going to be updating throughout the award show on Twitter – http://www.twitter.com/isthisitx – and on this page as well.  It should be exciting.  The awards, on the other hand, could be dull.  The awards that you want to stick around for are Best Supporting Actor (Heath Ledger), Best Actor (Mickey Rourke vs. Sean Penn) and Best Actress (Kate Winslet vs. Meryl Streep). Ledger’s a lock to win, but don’t be surprised if Frank Langella takes Best Actor, or Anne Hathaway steals Best Actress.  It’s not expected, but it’s not outside reason.

I’m rooting for all the categories The Dark Knight is involved in, Mickey Rourke, Amy Adams (Pam 6.0) and Kate Winslet. Outside of that, I’m just along for the ride.

7:12 – All right, so we’re here for the the Oscars, and this should be a relatively tame night.

7:13 – Vanessa Hudgens on the red carpet.  She looks amazing.  And she has nude pics across the Internet.  She’s my favorite actress.

7:14 – Robert Downey Jr. is a year away from going into that Clooney-type of role.  He’s probably the business’s most exciting actor.

7:21 – Meryl Streep’s daughter is quite attractive.  She’s allegedly a pretty good actress, according to the NYTimes.

7:22 – Penelope Cruz is wearing a 60-year-old dress.

7:23 – Robin Roberts is interviewing Richard Jenkins, from The Visitor.  I’ve never heard of him in my life.

7:24 – I’m no expert in fashion (or gay), but I’ve watched enough of E! to know that the fashion critiquers are going to hate the bottom of her dress.

7:25 – Seth Rogan and Judd Apatow make an appearance.  Their new film, called Funny People, looks hilarious and kind of depressing.

7:26 – The making of the Oscars stuff bores me.  No one cares.  Just hand out the awards and shut up.

7:28 – Oscar red carpet is over.  Thank God.  Let’s get this award show on the road, and let’s listen to Radiohead while we LiveTweet.

7:29 – Oh, I almost forgot.  Hugh Jackman is hosting.  The opening monologue could be a disaster.  Let’s hope so.

7:30 – We’re under way.

7:32 – Kate Winslet has a big bump on her shoulder.  It looks kind of disgusting.

7:33 – Again with the recession jokes.  Somebody needs to stop these things.  Though the set does look pretty cool with pizza boxes as the monitors

7:34 – Craig’sList dancers.

7:34 – “How can 1 billion dollars be unsophisticated.”  That’s true, the Academy f—ed that one up.

7:37 – “The Reader. I haven’t seen The Reader.”  OK.  That’s funny.

7:38 – Hugh Jackman gets a standing O.

7:40 – Philip Seymour Hoffman is in the third row, and has a nice skull cap on.  F— the Oscars, you know?

7:42 – Best Supporting Actress up first.  “Steve open it.” we hear to the guy supposed to be opening the curtain.  Only 11 minutes in. Nice, Oscars.

7:43 – Best Supporting Actress.  I say Amy Adams wins.

7:45 – Angelica Houston’s body scares me a little bit.

7:45 – Whoopi Goldberg’s adam’s apple too.  Oh shit, does she have a huge tattoo on her right shoulder?  I had no idea.

7:46 – I almost saw Goldie Hawn’s jugs. Marisa Tomei and Penelope Cruz could win too. I’d be OK with that.

7:47 – Oscar winner is: Penelope Cruz

7:50 – Penelope Cruz delivers a nice speech.  Someone yelled something during the middle, though, which is kind of rude.

7:50 – First commercial goes to?  Hyundai.  What the f—?

7:51 – Hyundai commercial says that they make over half their cars in Mobile, Alabama.  Really?  Where do you make all the other Hyundai products?

7:53 – And we’re back.  Rather quickly, I might add.  That will surely change.

7:53 – How do they make the Oscars? Oh, it’s a gag.  Got it. Steve Martin and Tina Fey are presenting.  OK.

7:54 – Tina Fey gets a big round of applause, undoubtedly for her raping of Sarah Palin

7:55 – Best Original Screenplay is the next movie.  What is Frozen River?  It seems like it could have potential.

7:56 – I think In Bruges is the favorite, but Milk might win.  I don’t know.  I should know more about screenplays.

7:56 – Best Screenplay: Milk.

7:57 – Dustin Lance Black wins for Milk, and he’s pretty young. He tells a story of his parents moving from a Mormon home to Cali.  That was nice.

7:58 – He gets a huge ovation for the story.

7:59 – Adapted Screenplay is next.  Slumdog, right?

8:00 – Oscar winner: Simon Beaufoy, Slumdog Millionaire.

8:02 – Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black are out next to present a movie yearbook.  The animation is up first.

8:04 – They really need to make an obscene animated film.  And not that crap that Bob Saget made, either.  Maybe I’ll write it.

8:06 – Best Animated Feature is next.  It’ll certainly be Wall-E.

8:07 – I like all the other people that are Twittering the AA.

8:08 – Jennifer Animated Short Film is next.  I have Lavatory: Lovestory.

8:09 – This Way Up looks cool, though.

8:09 – La Maison, something or other wins. I’m not going to try to spell it.  An Asian guy is speaking, and I don’t know what he’s saying.

8:10 – Watching the race now, and should probably switch on over to the Fantasy Factory show that I’m still on the fence on.

8:12 – I like how the race runs opposite of the Oscars – which is also in California.  Smart, by NASCAR.

8:16 – Sarah Jessica Parker nearly fell.

8:17 – The new award is art direction.  I hope The Dark Knight wins.

8:17 – Art Direction: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

8:19 – Costume Design is next, I think.

8:20 – I don’t much care about design, and probably won’t care about a lot about many of the cateogries over the next hour.

8:21 – Costume Design goes to The Duchess, the only Victorian-era film nomianted (was it from the Victorian Era?)

8:23 – Make-Up is next.  Yeah, so Benjamin Button is going to win.

8:23 – Hellboy’s nominated too, though.  Hopefully The Dark Knight takes it, though.

8:23 – Benjamin Button wins, and the guy going up to accept the award looks to be 400 pounds.

8:24 – And he’s just reading a bunch of names, which is kind of bull. He looks pissed that he won.

8:25 – Finally new presenters after Sarah Jessica Parker and Daniel Craig present three different

8:26 – Romance is the next yearbook thing.  Javier Bardem is a pimp.  “We will make love.”  Too bad that doesn’t work.

8:27 – Coldplay in the background.  That’s kind of annoying, especially when Gwyenth Paltrow shows up on the screen.  High School Musical?  Come on

8:27 – Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Nick and Norah’s Playlist, and The Hulk???

8:28 – What is this?   27 Dresses?  Isn’t this the Oscars – the award show that takes itself incredibly serious?

8:29 – New short film from Judd Apatow coming up next.  Nice.

8:31 – So, we’re an hour in and I’m kind of bored.  Actually, I’m really bored.  I think it’s time to look at porn.

8:32 – Not really, that was a joke.

8:32 – Ben Stiller’s dressed as Joaquin Phoenix, and Natalie Portman’s presenting.

8:33 – Cinematorgraphy is next.  Dark Knight, anyone?  Ben Stiller is now just waltzing across the stage.

8:34 – Slumdog Millionaire wins for Best Cinematography.

8:35 – Oh, by the way, check out isthisitx.com for some top of the line entertainment news.  I need to write more, too, but I have so much work.

8:37 – All right, this is stupid.  Twitterblogging doesn’t work.  I mean, does anybody care about who I think is going to win?  No.

I need to actually write things in long form.  Things need to be more than 140 characters.

8:41 – I might post things later.  Especially if something crazy happens (Heath Ledger loses).  But if nothing does, then I’m probably done.  Expect more news later tonight, and look for things coming up on isthisitx.com.

Oh, and I’ll probably post the Judd Apatow short film too.