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Joaquin Phoenix Is, Well, I Have No Idea

Joaquin Phoenix is on the Late Show with David Letterman as I type this, and I really have no idea what to think.

He has his new trademark: a full beard, and starts the interview by gazing off into space. He looks to be a mixture of angry and devastatingly sad when Dave makes a joke about his beard being itchy. The audience laughs at the question, and Phoenix seems really mad now. He could be high.

The audience doesn’t seem to take him seriously – maybe Casey Affleck’s in the audience.

Phoenix is just offering one-word answers, talking very quietly and he seems really, really sad. Like, I don’t even know how to explain this, but Joaquin is making me feel bad for him because the audience isn’t taking him seriously.

And now, as I’m typing this, he’s asking what Dave gases his audience up with to make them laugh when Dave mentions the former actor’s rap career. So, whatever, I guess.

UPDATE – Here’s the video, via CBS.

Look, if this thing is real (real, meaning that he’s not acting), then everyone in the audience owes Joaquin a big apology. But if this is a fake – and I’m 95% sure that’s the case – then hopefully this is made into a really cool documentary about celebrity culture and Phoenix’s fake move into music.

Of course, there’s a third option, and it involves Joaquin’s nose and a load of cocaine. Hopefully that option isn’t the case, considering Joaquin’s brother River overdosed back in 1993.

With all of that being said, here are three videos with a subsequent explanation why I believe they show Phoenix is faking.

Here you’ll see a common thread in the Joaquin Phoenix retirement thread. Casey Affleck. Affleck is following Phoenix – his brother-in-law around with a camera everywhere he goes. Literally. Reports surfaced last week that said Phoenix’s transition to music was a big scam, simply an idea for a documentary that was being shot by brother-in-law Casey Affleck.

Oh, and the best way to get someone off your back and convince them that you’re serious is to get really mad and storm off after they laugh at your big announcement. That’s good acting, something Joaquin’s known for.

Here’s Joaquin rapping in Las Vegas. He looks stoned and sounds stoned. But the key moment here is when he falls off the stage. Where does he fall? Right to the two cameras in the front row.