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Failure: Your Oscar Twitter Blog

I tried an Oscars live blog, with only Twitter posts.  It was a bad idea – one I don’t plan on doing again.  Here is what I have before ditching it an hour and ten minutes in.

Welcome to your 2009 Academy Awards Live blog, Twitterstyle.  We’re going to be updating throughout the award show on Twitter – www.twitter.com/isthisitx – and on this page as well.  It should be exciting.  The awards, on the other hand, could be dull.  The awards that you want to stick around for are Best Supporting Actor (Heath Ledger), Best Actor (Mickey Rourke vs. Sean Penn) and Best Actress (Kate Winslet vs. Meryl Streep). Ledger’s a lock to win, but don’t be surprised if Frank Langella takes Best Actor, or Anne Hathaway steals Best Actress.  It’s not expected, but it’s not outside reason.

I’m rooting for all the categories The Dark Knight is involved in, Mickey Rourke, Amy Adams (Pam 6.0) and Kate Winslet. Outside of that, I’m just along for the ride.

7:12 – All right, so we’re here for the the Oscars, and this should be a relatively tame night.

7:13 – Vanessa Hudgens on the red carpet.  She looks amazing.  And she has nude pics across the Internet.  She’s my favorite actress.

7:14 – Robert Downey Jr. is a year away from going into that Clooney-type of role.  He’s probably the business’s most exciting actor.

7:21 – Meryl Streep’s daughter is quite attractive.  She’s allegedly a pretty good actress, according to the NYTimes.

7:22 – Penelope Cruz is wearing a 60-year-old dress.

7:23 – Robin Roberts is interviewing Richard Jenkins, from The Visitor.  I’ve never heard of him in my life.

7:24 – I’m no expert in fashion (or gay), but I’ve watched enough of E! to know that the fashion critiquers are going to hate the bottom of her dress.

7:25 – Seth Rogan and Judd Apatow make an appearance.  Their new film, called Funny People, looks hilarious and kind of depressing.

7:26 – The making of the Oscars stuff bores me.  No one cares.  Just hand out the awards and shut up.

7:28 – Oscar red carpet is over.  Thank God.  Let’s get this award show on the road, and let’s listen to Radiohead while we LiveTweet.

7:29 – Oh, I almost forgot.  Hugh Jackman is hosting.  The opening monologue could be a disaster.  Let’s hope so.

7:30 – We’re under way.

7:32 – Kate Winslet has a big bump on her shoulder.  It looks kind of disgusting.

7:33 – Again with the recession jokes.  Somebody needs to stop these things.  Though the set does look pretty cool with pizza boxes as the monitors

7:34 – Craig’sList dancers.

7:34 – “How can 1 billion dollars be unsophisticated.”  That’s true, the Academy f—ed that one up.

7:37 – “The Reader. I haven’t seen The Reader.”  OK.  That’s funny.

7:38 – Hugh Jackman gets a standing O.

7:40 – Philip Seymour Hoffman is in the third row, and has a nice skull cap on.  F— the Oscars, you know?

7:42 – Best Supporting Actress up first.  “Steve open it.” we hear to the guy supposed to be opening the curtain.  Only 11 minutes in. Nice, Oscars.

7:43 – Best Supporting Actress.  I say Amy Adams wins.

7:45 – Angelica Houston’s body scares me a little bit.

7:45 – Whoopi Goldberg’s adam’s apple too.  Oh shit, does she have a huge tattoo on her right shoulder?  I had no idea.

7:46 – I almost saw Goldie Hawn’s jugs. Marisa Tomei and Penelope Cruz could win too. I’d be OK with that.

7:47 – Oscar winner is: Penelope Cruz

7:50 – Penelope Cruz delivers a nice speech.  Someone yelled something during the middle, though, which is kind of rude.

7:50 – First commercial goes to?  Hyundai.  What the f—?

7:51 – Hyundai commercial says that they make over half their cars in Mobile, Alabama.  Really?  Where do you make all the other Hyundai products?

7:53 – And we’re back.  Rather quickly, I might add.  That will surely change.

7:53 – How do they make the Oscars? Oh, it’s a gag.  Got it. Steve Martin and Tina Fey are presenting.  OK.

7:54 – Tina Fey gets a big round of applause, undoubtedly for her raping of Sarah Palin

7:55 – Best Original Screenplay is the next movie.  What is Frozen River?  It seems like it could have potential.

7:56 – I think In Bruges is the favorite, but Milk might win.  I don’t know.  I should know more about screenplays.

7:56 – Best Screenplay: Milk.

7:57 – Dustin Lance Black wins for Milk, and he’s pretty young. He tells a story of his parents moving from a Mormon home to Cali.  That was nice.

7:58 – He gets a huge ovation for the story.

7:59 – Adapted Screenplay is next.  Slumdog, right?

8:00 – Oscar winner: Simon Beaufoy, Slumdog Millionaire.

8:02 – Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black are out next to present a movie yearbook.  The animation is up first.

8:04 – They really need to make an obscene animated film.  And not that crap that Bob Saget made, either.  Maybe I’ll write it.

8:06 – Best Animated Feature is next.  It’ll certainly be Wall-E.

8:07 – I like all the other people that are Twittering the AA.

8:08 – Jennifer Animated Short Film is next.  I have Lavatory: Lovestory.

8:09 – This Way Up looks cool, though.

8:09 – La Maison, something or other wins. I’m not going to try to spell it.  An Asian guy is speaking, and I don’t know what he’s saying.

8:10 – Watching the race now, and should probably switch on over to the Fantasy Factory show that I’m still on the fence on.

8:12 – I like how the race runs opposite of the Oscars – which is also in California.  Smart, by NASCAR.

8:16 – Sarah Jessica Parker nearly fell.

8:17 – The new award is art direction.  I hope The Dark Knight wins.

8:17 – Art Direction: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

8:19 – Costume Design is next, I think.

8:20 – I don’t much care about design, and probably won’t care about a lot about many of the cateogries over the next hour.

8:21 – Costume Design goes to The Duchess, the only Victorian-era film nomianted (was it from the Victorian Era?)

8:23 – Make-Up is next.  Yeah, so Benjamin Button is going to win.

8:23 – Hellboy’s nominated too, though.  Hopefully The Dark Knight takes it, though.

8:23 – Benjamin Button wins, and the guy going up to accept the award looks to be 400 pounds.

8:24 – And he’s just reading a bunch of names, which is kind of bull. He looks pissed that he won.

8:25 – Finally new presenters after Sarah Jessica Parker and Daniel Craig present three different

8:26 – Romance is the next yearbook thing.  Javier Bardem is a pimp.  “We will make love.”  Too bad that doesn’t work.

8:27 – Coldplay in the background.  That’s kind of annoying, especially when Gwyenth Paltrow shows up on the screen.  High School Musical?  Come on

8:27 – Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Nick and Norah’s Playlist, and The Hulk???

8:28 – What is this?   27 Dresses?  Isn’t this the Oscars – the award show that takes itself incredibly serious?

8:29 – New short film from Judd Apatow coming up next.  Nice.

8:31 – So, we’re an hour in and I’m kind of bored.  Actually, I’m really bored.  I think it’s time to look at porn.

8:32 – Not really, that was a joke.

8:32 – Ben Stiller’s dressed as Joaquin Phoenix, and Natalie Portman’s presenting.

8:33 – Cinematorgraphy is next.  Dark Knight, anyone?  Ben Stiller is now just waltzing across the stage.

8:34 – Slumdog Millionaire wins for Best Cinematography.

8:35 – Oh, by the way, check out isthisitx.com for some top of the line entertainment news.  I need to write more, too, but I have so much work.

8:37 – All right, this is stupid.  Twitterblogging doesn’t work.  I mean, does anybody care about who I think is going to win?  No.

I need to actually write things in long form.  Things need to be more than 140 characters.

8:41 – I might post things later.  Especially if something crazy happens (Heath Ledger loses).  But if nothing does, then I’m probably done.  Expect more news later tonight, and look for things coming up on isthisitx.com.

Oh, and I’ll probably post the Judd Apatow short film too.

Paris Hilton Blamed For Chihuahuas Epidemic

This story makes me legitimately sad.

Chihuahua Club of America President Lynnie Bunten tells the (always dependable) National Enquirer that Paris Hilton is to blame for the high levels of Chihuahuas in California animal shelters.

“Chihuahuas are not a toy or a fashion accessory,” Bunten says.  “But because some people think they are – then realize they’re wrong – there’s a growing problem of abandoned Chihuahuas.”

In fact, animal shelters in Santa Barbara have banned girls 21 years or younger from getting the tiny dog because they were seeing so many get rid of their dogs because they couldn’t take care of them.

Though Hilton’s presence in the tabloids with her diminutive dog was one of the first to start this trend, many celebrities have copied it and continue to carry around their dogs in the purses or handbags.  Which is fine. But what normal people don’t realize when they first buy a Chihuahua is that it costs a lot of money to keep a dog.  There are shots, food and a load of other costs involved.

Getting a dog is a lot like having a kid in that one has to go through their budget to figure out if it’s something they can financially support.

Oh yeah, and dogs have to piss and shit.  Let’s not forget that.  If you carry around a dog in your purse all day, you’re eventually going to be carrying around a purse full of shit.  The next day, the purse will smell, and then you’re probably going to sour on the idea of carrying around a Chihuahua.

Which is too bad, because then the Chihuahuas are taken to the animal shelter/pound and killed.  Whether that’s drugged or gassed is up to that particular shelter.  But they’re killed because, in essence, people want to be more like a girl who’s famous because her family’s rich and she was in a crappy porno.

Chris Brown Allegedly Commits Felony Battery

At this moment, it appears that Chris Brown roughed up Rihanna last night.

Why?

Because, at this moment, Brown is under investigation for alleged domestic violence felony battery.

People has the details of what happened…

“The identity of the victim will not be released,” said Officer April Harding. “Any victim who’s involved in a domestic violence incident is entitled to confidentiality.”

Both Brown, 19, and girlfriend Rihanna, 20, were scheduled to perform at the Grammys, but this statement was released Sunday evening: “We have just been informed that Rihanna will not be attending tonight’s 51st Annual Grammy Awards. We’re sorry she is unable to join us this evening.”

Around 12:30 a.m. on Sunday, the R&B singer and a woman were in a vehicle in L.A. when they became involved in an argument, according to a police statement. After stopping his car, Brown and the woman got out and the argument escalated. The LAPD received a 911 call reporting the disturbance.

When officers arrived they found the victim, but Brown had already left the scene, the statement reads. The woman suffered visible injuries and identified Brown as her attacker, police say.

When I heard this, I was stunned.  I really don’t know what to say, other than to advise you to stay tuned.

Update: Chris Brown turned himself into police Sunday night because of the incident described above, according to EW.com.  He was soon  released on $50,000 bail.

Tiger Woods Has Kid #2

Tiger Woods and wife Elin gave birth to their second child, a son, over this past weekend, the San Diego Union-Tribune reports.

The couple, who have been married since 2004, have one child already; one-year-old daughter Sam Alexis.

UPDATE: On his website, Woods announced that he and Elin had indeed given birth.  And he also announced his new son’s name: Charlie Axel.

“Elin and I are thrilled to announce the birth of our son, Charlie Axel Woods, who was born on Sunday February 8, 2009,” Woods wrote in the statement. “Both Charlie and Elin are doing great and we want to thank everyone for their sincere best wishes and kind thoughts. Sam is very excited to be a big sister and we feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful family.

“I also want to thank our doctors, nurses and the hospital staff for their personal and professional care. We look forward to introducing Charlie to you at the appropriate time, and again thanks from all of us for your kindness and support.”

Congrats to the Woods family.

Subway Drops Michael Phelps

Subway has become the latest company to drop 14-time gold medalist Michael Phelps after the swimmer was photographed smoking weed out of a bong, according to a buzznewsroom.com insider.

Right before the image surfaced on News of the World, Phelps was heavily featured on Subway.com holding a foot-long sub.

After the photo was released, Subway quickly tore down all of Phelps’ pictures.  Now they’ve officially come out and severed ties with the man who will certainly become the most decorated Olympian ever.

Here’s what buzznewsroom.com’s writes…

In an e-mail from Subway spokeswoman Megan Driscoll, she said: “Subway is not commenting or releasing a statement right now on Michael Phelps.” However, in de-linking all references to Michael Phelps, this is Subway corporate as they prepare for dropping their sponsorship. Our insider told us Subway execs are pissed off, talking to legal, want their endorsement money returned — and to “get rid of this embarrassment.”

And, here’s the thing, Subway just signed Michael on November 21st! Here’s what they said at the time:

“SUBWAY(R) takes pride in being a healthy and active brand – one that can be a regular part of these world class athletes’ routines,” states Tony Pace, Chief Marketing Officer of the SUBWAY Franchisee Advertising Fund Trust (SFAFT), which signed the contract with Phelps. “We knew Michael Phelps was a big fan of our sandwiches and we wanted to build on that with him to illustrate that SUBWAY(R) is a brand that can play a role in helping everyone – from elite athletes to weekend joggers – perform at their peak levels and make healthier, smarter choices about food, whatever the activity.”

And being a “healthy and active brand” does not mean associating themselves with a goofy pothead, regardless of Olympic medals… Right now, Jared is laughing and nodding, knowing that job security is sweet.

This subject has been beat to death, so the interesting thing in my eyes is whether or not a non-mainstream site like buzznewsroom.com gets the story right and beats the likes of the New York Times and Washington Post.

The other thing that interests me is what Michael Phelps ate after hitting that bong?  Did he go to Subway?  Did he chow down on some Frosted Flakes?

I need details, Internet.

Ashton Kutcher Complains About Neighbor

Ashton Kutcher is sick of construction outside of his porch at 7:00 a.m. in the morning.  Why he has a camera with him that early is something I don’t understand.  Maybe he and Demi are working on their form?

Here’s the video…

Then he apologizes later in the day…

You know what I’d like?

An apology for making The Guardian.

I spent $15 on that DVD, and I’d like my money back.

Mickey Rourke To Join WWE?

We all know that Mickey Rourke’s performance as The Ram in The Wrestler is the favorite for Best Actor at the Oscars (even though Sean Penn’s win at the SAG awards last night isn’t a good sign), but now he’s interested in wrestling for real.

The actor, who boxed for nearly a decade after becoming so frustrated with acting, recently revealed that he has been talking with the WWE’s Vince McMahon about making his professional wrestling debut.

“I think I’m gonna do WrestleMania in Houston,” says Rourke, “and Chris Jericho, you better get in shape because I’m coming after your ass.”

Will it happen?

I say yes.  Rourke needs the money from The Wrestler, and WrestleMania needs a gimmick like Donald Trump fighting Vince McMahon in the Battle of the Billionaires two years ago.  And, let’s not forget Floyd Mayweather fighting The Big Show last year, when Mayweather made $20 million to fight for one night.

Ledger Insurance Suit Settled

Since shortly after his death on Jan. 22, 2008, Heath Ledger’s lawyers have been battling with ReliaStar Life Insurance Co.  Ledger’s representation claimed that the actor’s $10 million life insurance policy was never paid to its sole beneficiary – Ledger’s 3-year-old daughter Matilda.

Now, the Associated Press confirms that a confidential settlement has been reached involving the $10 million policy, even though it would seem like this whole ordeal is over, it’s not.

Ledger’s lawyers say they will fight for legal representation for Matilda next month, when the official figure is announced and distributed.  Actually, the reason for the lengthy pay-off was because of the question surrounding the actor’s death being ruled a suicide.

If you’ve ever seen CSI or Law & Order, you know that insurance benefits are not administered when the person who takes out the policy commits suicide.

Stay tuned for more next month.

2009 SAG Award Winners

The Golden Globe live blog was nice, but let’s just go down the winners for the SAG Awards (roughly) when they happen, all right?

Female Actor in a Comedy Series – Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Male Actor in a Comedy Series – Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Best Ensemble in a TV Series – 30 Rock

Outstanding Actress in a suppotting role – Kate Winslet, The Reader

Outstanding Performance by a Male in a Drama Series – Hugh Laurie, House

Outstanding Performance by a Female in a Drama Series – Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters

Ensemble in a Drama Series – Mad Men

Lifetime Achievement Award – James Earl Jones

Female Actor in a Mini-Series or Movie – Laura Linney, John Adams

Male Actor in a mini-series or movie -Paul Giamatti, John Adams

Male Actor in a Supporting Role – Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight

Female Actor in a Leading Role – Meryl Streep, Doubt

Male Actor in a Leading Role – Sean Penn, Milk

Ensemble Cast in a Film – Slumdog Millionaire